THE CURVES ON A SCREEN
...continued from Chapter 6
The issue of pornography among men and some woman is one I can't help but point at as I write about marriage, as a key structural flaw and barrier between a failing marriage, and a growing one. Sexual sin is more than enough to completely stunt any relationship; especially marriage. You have no hope of having a healthy and thriving marriage if you are in sexual sin. It goes directly against the design of marriage.
Porn is a like Wile E Coyote trying to catch the Roadrunner by hanging a thin sheet painted like a highway in front of a brick wall...except this actually works on over 90% of guys. They go running full bore through the sheet painted like a pretty road to go down, straight into the brick wall; then wonder why their life hurts, and why they're not happy. The "porn addiction" as its called, should be really be titled a "self addiction". I think the word addiction can take some of the responsibility off the addicted person.
Here are some quick stats on pornography if you're interested:
The percentage of men who search out naked women, or go after any woman with impure motives, who are NOT their wives, is just as high among so called Christians.
The excuses range from "God will forgive me.",
"My wife isn't trying enough to make me happy.",
"So many of my friends struggle with it.",
"I need to slowly get out of the addiction. I can't quit cold turkey.",
or "It's too difficult to stop now..."
Ok, so here is what it comes down to: Sin.
When you deliberately search out sin you are spitting on the blood of Christ. You are literally saying, "That's great God. Thanks but no thanks. I'm enjoying my pig slop too much to leave it now."
In the all too common case of 90%+ of men, it's sex related sin. You are saying that what you want, ranks above what Christ did for you. If you are a believer, the Bible says you are God's property. Bought and sold like a slave. Except you were bought from the ruthless master called sin, and brought into the house and family of God.
James, the half-brother of Jesus while he was on earth, wrote about a life where actions fail to show what the tongue claims the heart to believe, was never a life saved by Christ at all, but one still a slave to sin. (Romans 1) You stay in sin long enough, and the worst thing will happen, He will give you exactly what you want. God will give you over to it.
You get enough synthetic lingerie clad, nipped and tucked, botox injected filth through the filter of your heart, and God will do something so awful. He will give you what you want. Your filter (conscience) will get so clogged with sin, and become so hardened by it, that when your body and soul turn toxic from the poison it releases, it will be far too late.
And John, Jesus' closest disciple wrote "Whoever says 'I know him,' but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person."
Following Christ is not based on perfect living, but being broken over your sin, and then changing, is.
If you continue in a life of sin with no repentance, then the Bible defines you as one who is not saved, and on his way to Hell. "No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him." - 1 John 3:6
There is no comfortable way to ease out of a life of sexual sin. No drawn out process of pats on the back accompanied by comments like "No one's perfect.", "God knows your desire to stop.", "You know, I struggle with it too."
Here is what the Bible says on the issue of sexual sin: STOP IT.
I won't go into all the physiological aspects of what sexual sin can do to a mind and heart. There isn't a 12 step program that will stick. Sexual sin is the only sin the Bible says to not fight, but to run in the opposite direction from. Why? Because you get close enough, and you will lose. EVERY - SINGLE - TIME.
You speed for long enough, and red, blue, and white lights will fill your rearview mirror. Except the ticket is one you won't be able to pay for.
Flee from it! "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received form God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. therefore honour God with your bodies" (1 Cor. 6:18-20)
On a personal note, to encourage you reading this, I do not look at porn. My brothers do not look at porn. It IS possible to do this. Do my eyes wander and linger for too long at billboards, commercials, magazine covers etc.? Unfortunately yes. I am straight, and I am fallen. But when these times do occur, here's what happens: I feel sick. Nauseas. And with my soul face down in the dirt, I beg God for forgiveness that I don't deserve. After I've been broken over it, I get up and try again!
But my point is this. I can say from the viewpoint of a marriage where sexual sin is at a bare minimum, that there is nothing sweeter. The benefits that come from me not looking at porn are staggering. From my own mind being free and unchained, to my love life with Christa given endless room to flourish.
"Man does not have the right, or authority to alter God's design for marriage." - V. Baucham
The book of Hebrews hits on this issue directly, "Marriage is to be held in honour among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge." (emphasis added)
There are many ways the marriage bed can be defiled, just as there are many ways it can be protected and blessed.
God has designed that a marriage or relationship covered with the puss filled sores of sexual sin will show its true colours, and the damage it has caused. It will become impossible to truly grow in love for each other.
A selfish and passionate sinful lust, for the sex that this world promises will taste so good, will have the same metaphorical effect of swallowing drano. It will rot away at your insides, at the same time take you directly out of the way for God to bless you. It will give your heart scars that will stay with you for the rest of this life. Your wife will pull away even more on account of your reckless lust, and this will become a pathetic reason to look for satisfaction elsewhere. And so the spiral goes.
BUT, if you stay away from it, and replace it with an unhindered desire for your wife (if you are married), your mind and heart will be free and clear as a freshly washed window. This does not guarantee a thriving marriage, but it makes space, a plot of land, for it to grow and take off from. Christa and I have lived through hell on earth in many ways in our almost 3 years of marriage, but I can say with full confidence that there is nothing more satisfying then doing things the right way. God's way.
This also makes it possible for sex within marriage to surpass any photo-shopped plastic fantasy the Playboy channel can conjure up for the masses.
Within the commitment of marriage, which only real men and women should attempt, sex has potential to be hotter then...well I'll stop there for now. But what I'm trying to say is this, it's WORTH it!
For you single guys, here is my advice. Practice being married. What do I mean by that? Simply this: Get in the habits NOW of doing what God desires for you, and the habits that your wife will find unbelievably attractive and irresistible. Whatever is lacking in your character as a man, will be magnified tenfold once you're married, and vise versa.
If you are not trained and ready before the altar, "Happily Ever After" will chew you up, and spit you out.
But I beg you, do not believe the lies you hear about "the meat market" of dating being all that it's cracked up to be. It offers nothing of value. Nothing you will want to show off to future generations. At the end of the night, you will have nothing but heart wrenching regrets that will haunt you. If you are in this life of sin, and you don't have regrets, then it is very close to being too late for you. But with God nothing is unsalvageable.
You single guys, practice not spending pointless and purposeless time and energy with women you shouldn't be, to appease your boredom, curiosity, or your complete lack of self control. God has designed men and woman to be either very single, or very married.
Focus on becoming a real man. A man of God, willing to stand alone. And sometimes that is very alone.
Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
Now, no one will actually attain perfection, not even close as we are incapable of the thing, but we are commanded to strive for it anyway! To continually become more like Jesus Christ. Acts 24:16 "So I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man."
And Paul writes these inspired words around 60 A.D. from a culture so soaked in every conceivable sin. He also writes, "That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Saviour of all people, and especially to those who believe."
The more you protect the garden of marriage, the results it will produce and continue producing, will be second to none and worth all the effort.
Chapter 8 continues this post...
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