IS HE A BOY, OR A MAN?
...continued from Chapter 4
Paul wrote such profound truth in regards to a husband's role and responsibility to his wife..."Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her," (Eph. 5)
These are just a few words, but the meaning within this command is completely life altering. If one were to take this verse literally as it was intended to be, it would transform most marriages today; for several reasons.
The Bible calls a man to lay down his life for his wife. Now, dying for your wife is easy in my opinion. It's living for her that is the all consuming challenge. Is this an extreme view on marriage? Absolutely. The Bible also teaches this is a realistic view. Does this mean your wife has a free pass to walk all over you? No. It means that what you want, is a far second to what she needs. Period.
This is why a boy should never get married, or be in any type of romantic relationship; no mater how old he is. If you are a male, and if the only calluses you have are from your X-Box controller, you have no business getting to know a woman. You are not ready for the great role of leading one.
If your dad still pays some of your bills, or your mom needs to monitor your credit cards, you have no business getting to know a woman. As of today, if you cannot stand independently from your parents emotionally, financially, or especially spiritually, and you are in a romantic relationship, stop. If you are currently in a dating relationship where you are not ready to take on the job of being a husband immediately, then you need to end it. Why? Because you are doing irreparable damage to yourself and your girlfriend. I can guarantee you have already slipped up in your sexual purity, and if you continue down the road you're on, more regrets will follow that you will have to explain to whoever you get married to.
If you are already married there's still hope, but a lot of work to be done. But most importantly, if you cannot lead a woman spiritually, you have no business pursuing one.
Moses writes in Genesis, "This is why a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Notice the key word there, man, not boy.
To Biblically love a woman is the culmination of so many processes a boy goes through (hopefully) to become a man.
"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (1 Cor. 13)
When a boy first realizes that he likes girls, that does not mean it's time to start dating. It should be the opposite. It's time for him to begin training and preparing to take care of and lead a woman one day. Not learning one liners to get some action.
To you girls and women who may be reading this, if you are in a relationship with a boy, please, I beg you, stop enabling him. Your high hopes for his potential change, I'm sorry to say, will not materialize. The all too common, "Well, at least he's not *fill in the blank*" is not good enough.
Please stop giving him the benefits of manhood, with all the comforts of boyhood, when he has not taken up the responsibility of real manhood.
HE - HAS - NOT - EARNED - IT
If he is not ready now, then by staying with him, you guarantee that he never will be; even if you plan, hope, and manipulate him to the alter. What motivation does he really have to grow up?
Nothing magical happens at the front of a church during the exchange of vows. No pixie dust that can make you fly. Your wedding day is the starting line to a hopefully long, and wonderful three-legged race. But if you are tied to a boy, you will end up in a twisted pile of human wreckage, that you will most likely drag along for the duration of your marriage. Does this imagery scare you? It should. It happens all the time.
Please end your misguided course towards some idea of happiness you have in your head. Get out while you still can. It may be one of the most difficult and painful things you do in your lifetime, but it will also rank it as one of the best things you could have done.
Do not settle. If you are in this type of relationship that I'm describing, then it probably means you did not have a solid example in your father you could look to for some idea of what a real man looks like, which just as importantly gives you an idea of what kind of guy to avoid; and he will answer to God for that. But in the meantime get out of your current excuse for a romantic relationship, and focus on getting a very clear idea of what a real man looks like and how to prepare for him, then wait for him. They are out there. He will find you. This is your life, that you are responsible for. Don't blow it.
For a surface level example, some of the best basketball players today in the U.S., making millions and playing in the highest leagues possible, were found in the middle of the Congo, in Africa.
Another aspect of being in a romantic relationship where God is not the head of, is this: the person you're involved with becomes too important. What I mean by that is, even though your wife (or husband to you ladies) is the most important person in your life, there are some things a spouse is not designed to fulfill and satisfy. Life cannot begin and end with your girlfriend or wife. They cannot be your god.
If your life and marriage is not built on Christ, then it is built on something, or someone else. All of their identity and happiness comes from that one person. This way of life has many fatal flaws in it. In his Pulitzer Prize winning book, Ernest Becker writes this,
"The self-glorification that [modern man] needed in his innermost nature he now looked for in the love partner. the love partner becomes the divine ideal within which to fulfill one's life. Spiritual and moral needs now become focused on one individual."
You could also fill this lack of significance with work or career goals. He goes on to write,
"[Sometimes] his work has to carry the burden of justifying him. What does "justifying" mean?...He lives the fantasy of the control of life and death, of destiny. No human relationship can bear [this] burden of godhood... If your partner is your "All" then any shortcoming in him becomes a major threat to you... What is that we want when we elevate the love partner to this position? We want to be rid of...our feeling of nothingness...to know our existence has not been in vain. We want redemption - nothing less. Needless to say, humans cannot give this."
Chapter 6 continues this post...
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