SOLUTION
"Solution to the Chuck Norris Delusion"
To be honest, I don't enjoy focusing on the problem side of an issue. I would much rather spend my time and energy focusing on the solution. But the reality is that without diagnosing the root problem, the solution isn't worth much. Another reality is that because of Jesus Christ, no life is unsalvageable. No matter how desperate the state of an individuals life is, it is possible to be forgiven and start clean. But we cannot save ourselves. The idea that one can do something by his own power or strong will, to make himself worthy of Heaven or God's approval is a modern psychology myth. All we are capable of doing on our own, is digging ourselves into a deeper hole. "Helpless" doesn't begin to describe every single person. This leads me to my conclusion on true manhood. The fire fueling true manhood must come from this change of heart before it is worth anything. (Please read CHAPTER 1: THE PROBLEM "Some People's Kids..." before reading this chapter.)
So what is the point of going through the uncomfortable transition fires from boyhood to manhood? What is the benefit and what is gained?
Well, the process of manhood should ideally start from childhood.
Many jungle tribes for centuries have had their youth go through intense initiation times to bring them into adulthood. Many still do in Brazil and Peru. Before the process starts they are considered a child. If they pass the initiation they are considered a man and warrior. It's that simple. They are then permitted to live on their own, marry, and raise a family. We lack any type of official point in time for a boy or girl to know they've crossed into adulthood. There is no sense of urgency to take on the sometimes difficult, but healthy responsibilities that come with genuine manhood. Our culture at present, unfortunately not only provides no solid examples of manhood to model after, but encourages the opposite. It's like walking into a store that only sells one product. You don't even KNOW what you're missing, or what else is available.
Just because a boy or girl first develops an interest in the opposite sex (this is happening at younger and younger ages), we think it's then time to start exploring that world. That it is now time to date and start romantic relationships. This is like handing a newly enlisted soldier a machine gun and all his gear and sending him into combat. No boot camp or training. What do you think will happen? He will get shot up. He will have those wounds for life.
What do you think would happen if you gave a 10 year old the keys to a sports car? Best case scenario, he burns the clutch and wraps it around a telephone pole.
How much more so is this the case with our own hearts and bodies. Not just with all things romantic, but with friendships, jobs, and finances. If a boy is handed the tools to any major area of life before he is ready for them, he will self-destruct quickly and often with permanent effects.
Things like interest in the opposite sex is not a sign to start dating, but to begin training for it. It takes a lot of work to be ready for a romantic relationship. They can destroy you overnight, or be the biggest life long blessing you will have on this earth. I will write about this topic more in-depth in a future post.
Innocence is stolen at such a young age now. There is a vast difference between being exposed, and being influenced. Jesus said about those responsible for the rape of our kids innocence, "It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble."
Children are vulnerable. Everyone one of us at one point was very vulnerable. This should be a good thing. Healthy sheltering during the younger years is a good thing. Kids who don't know about sex, tv, and drugs are mocked mercilessly. This is insane.
I cannot thank my parents enough for protecting me from such garbage until I was mature enough to deal with it on my own.
I cannot thank my parents enough for protecting me from such garbage until I was mature enough to deal with it on my own.
As the oldest of four competitive brothers, my growing up years were filled with slingshots, forts, water fights, and sports. My parents allowed me to develop my masculinity without the premature development of adult interests. I was even able to go through the teenage years with very few scars, that the "initiation" into manhood was as smooth and as fast as possible. I pray that if Christa and I are blessed with children we will be able to protect them for a time from many of the poisons that runs so rampant today.
How a guy spends his time, and what he finds humorous is often a dead giveaway of where he is truly at. What does he find funny?
How a guy spends his time, and what he finds humorous is often a dead giveaway of where he is truly at. What does he find funny?
The most obvious, but difficult way to find out who a man really is, is what he is like when no one is watching.
What does the click of the computer mouse bring up to his screen? Viewing sexual filth will destroy you. The world of sex has destroyed, and brought more men to their knees than anything else in human history. It offers nothing back for all that you give it. It is a well laid trap in the forrest. A thin blanket of leaves covering a pit.
"All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose
till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.
Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death."
"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?
So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;
no one who touches her will go unpunished."
The reality is most guys choose the way of the dodo bird. They willfully choose the cliff that countless before them have fallen off of. This is why real men are all but extinct. They fall for the same traps year after year, generation after generation. It's like a bee ramming into a window over and over again and wondering why his head is hurting.
Or like the fly's buzzing around the blue light zapper. They think they can get what they want without the certain doom waiting for them. All their dead fly buddies on the floor don't deter them one bit. The light is just so beautiful. "How can it really be that bad for me?" The fly thinks to himself. "I'll just fly a little closer to get a better look." Click, click, click goes the computer mouse..."Just a bit closer." Click click. "Oh wow...look at th.." *ZAP!!* Another one to add to the pile.
The sad and tragic reality is that most guys know what they're doing is destroying them, but addictions cloud the mind and heart so quickly. You lose the ability to rationalize the way you know you should. The human mind and heart only have so much real estate.
For this analogy let's use 100 for a total number of spaces. Spaces are like a car windshield that needs to be clear to see your life for what it really is, and where you are going. And each time a space is filled with sin, another one doesn't automatically clear itself. There is no limit to how many of the 100 spaces can be filled with the debris of sin. And after a short time the clear spaces that are not consumed by the dark shadows and muck, are few and far between. If 80 windows or spaces become so dirty you can't see out of them, then it becomes truly impossible to see where you're going and what you're doing.
You cannot move towards manhood while sexual sin owns you.
Sexual sin is the only sin the Bible says to run from. It is the only one you should not stay in the room to fight with, because it will win. It will beat you. It will humiliate, and destroy you and whoever is closely linked to you.
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;" (1 Corinthians)
This type of sin needs the most help from outside sources to conquer. (James 5 lays out a good plan.) Like a gym workout, it is often painful at the time, but after, you do not regret it and are so glad you pushed through.
What does the click of the computer mouse bring up to his screen? Viewing sexual filth will destroy you. The world of sex has destroyed, and brought more men to their knees than anything else in human history. It offers nothing back for all that you give it. It is a well laid trap in the forrest. A thin blanket of leaves covering a pit.
"All at once he followed her
like an ox going to the slaughter,
like a deer stepping into a noose
till an arrow pierces his liver,
like a bird darting into a snare,
little knowing it will cost him his life.
Now then, my sons, listen to me;
pay attention to what I say.
Do not let your heart turn to her ways
or stray into her paths.
Many are the victims she has brought down;
her slain are a mighty throng.
Her house is a highway to the grave,
leading down to the chambers of death."
"Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?
Can a man walk on hot coals
without his feet being scorched?
So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife;
no one who touches her will go unpunished."
The reality is most guys choose the way of the dodo bird. They willfully choose the cliff that countless before them have fallen off of. This is why real men are all but extinct. They fall for the same traps year after year, generation after generation. It's like a bee ramming into a window over and over again and wondering why his head is hurting.
Or like the fly's buzzing around the blue light zapper. They think they can get what they want without the certain doom waiting for them. All their dead fly buddies on the floor don't deter them one bit. The light is just so beautiful. "How can it really be that bad for me?" The fly thinks to himself. "I'll just fly a little closer to get a better look." Click, click, click goes the computer mouse..."Just a bit closer." Click click. "Oh wow...look at th.." *ZAP!!* Another one to add to the pile.
The sad and tragic reality is that most guys know what they're doing is destroying them, but addictions cloud the mind and heart so quickly. You lose the ability to rationalize the way you know you should. The human mind and heart only have so much real estate.
For this analogy let's use 100 for a total number of spaces. Spaces are like a car windshield that needs to be clear to see your life for what it really is, and where you are going. And each time a space is filled with sin, another one doesn't automatically clear itself. There is no limit to how many of the 100 spaces can be filled with the debris of sin. And after a short time the clear spaces that are not consumed by the dark shadows and muck, are few and far between. If 80 windows or spaces become so dirty you can't see out of them, then it becomes truly impossible to see where you're going and what you're doing.
20% of your windshield is all that is useful at this point, and it is not enough. Driving and navigating your life is soon hopeless. Your windshield is so dirty that accidents and major crashes are inevitable.
Sexual sin is the only sin the Bible says to run from. It is the only one you should not stay in the room to fight with, because it will win. It will beat you. It will humiliate, and destroy you and whoever is closely linked to you.
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;" (1 Corinthians)
This type of sin needs the most help from outside sources to conquer. (James 5 lays out a good plan.) Like a gym workout, it is often painful at the time, but after, you do not regret it and are so glad you pushed through.
To have few major regrets in life is unfortunately a rare thing. I am blessed to have a story that I don't want to replace much of. I know many guys who have colorful pasts that started in childhood, and wish they didn't.
The resulting sin and garbage being allowed to thrive is baggage you will have to deal with for a very long time. Even if God has forgiven you, does not mean you forget.
Our thoughts and actions are meant to carry weight in this life. God designed that thoughts and actions based on his Word will bring long term blessing, but that means there is the very real danger of the opposite. A +5 cannot exist with the possibility of a -5. This is especially true with love. With true love, comes the hazard of destruction. I know many amazing stories of guys who's lives were spiraling out of control, who by the grace of God, turned it around. Nothing was admirable about their life for a long time.
Galations 6 "...for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life."
The resulting sin and garbage being allowed to thrive is baggage you will have to deal with for a very long time. Even if God has forgiven you, does not mean you forget.
Our thoughts and actions are meant to carry weight in this life. God designed that thoughts and actions based on his Word will bring long term blessing, but that means there is the very real danger of the opposite. A +5 cannot exist with the possibility of a -5. This is especially true with love. With true love, comes the hazard of destruction. I know many amazing stories of guys who's lives were spiraling out of control, who by the grace of God, turned it around. Nothing was admirable about their life for a long time.
Galations 6 "...for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life."
In each their stories there is a point in time where the guy felt such deep conviction over the sin in his life. True repentance soon followed and as they submitted their lives more and more to the will of God found in the Bible, and their lives began to change. Old habits, and desires even, disintegrated into a bad memory. They are now repulsed by what was once attractive to them. Every major area of their life has been altered. A few of them are my best friends and I consider myself privileged to know them. They hate sin more and more, while wanting the things of God more and more. This is the best possible foundation for manhood.
I've observed something very interesting. Boys who spend significant time with mature men, usually grow up in an impressive way. As I grew up I spent time with all sorts of grownups. Some had yet to actually "grow up", but others had their act together.
When I was treated disrespectfully as a boy, I would have the urge to turn around and do the same. But when I was treated like a man, i.e. given responsibilities beyond my years, I was challenged to mature. I felt this rush of excitement, because something hardwired into me knew that with more responsibility, I took one step closer to being a man.
When I was treated disrespectfully as a boy, I would have the urge to turn around and do the same. But when I was treated like a man, i.e. given responsibilities beyond my years, I was challenged to mature. I felt this rush of excitement, because something hardwired into me knew that with more responsibility, I took one step closer to being a man.
One of my favorite quotes on this subject is from P. Washer, ""I take the boy aside that I am mentoring and explain to him: "Now, I am going to treat you like a man, but, I expect you to act like a man." And you know what almost always happens? He does."
A man will choose to endure suffering if he believes it is worth it. i.e. Men going off to war. Risking your life. Putting in hard hours of work. Denying certain pleasures. This is the same principle for boys. It's ingrained in boys at a young age to achieve. This desire can take a turn for the worst, but if pointed in the right direction, can be a critical tool in the manhood process. The younger a boy learns how to sacrifice, the better.
By parents giving or allowing their kids to do whatever they want, severely stunts their growth.
By parents giving or allowing their kids to do whatever they want, severely stunts their growth.
A boy will spend 5 days in the jungle without food, and will attempt to kill a jaguar if he believes it will achieve him the status of man and warrior in his tribe. He knows it will be worth it.
Paul writes, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me."
I will write about the Biblical definition of a man shortly, but first here is a very interesting account from the book of 2 Samuel about 30 great warriors who were under the command of King David during his reign over Judah and Israel starting in 1010 BC. Three of these thirty men did extra unbelievable things.
Josheb-Basshebeth, the Tahkemonite. He was chief of the Three. He once put his spear to work against eight hundred—killed them all in a day.
Eleazar son of Dodai the Ahohite was the next of the elite Three. He was with David when the Philistines poked fun at them at Pas Dammim. When the Philistines drew up for battle, Israel retreated. But Eleazar stood his ground and killed Philistines right and left until he was exhausted—but he never let go of his sword! A big win for God that day. The army then rejoined Eleazar, but all there was left to do was the cleanup.
Shammah son of Agee the Hararite was the third of the Three. The Philistines had mustered for battle at Lehi, where there was a field full of lentils. Israel fled before the Philistines, but Shammah took his stand at the center of the field, successfully defended it, and routed the Philistines. Another great victory for God!
...This is the sort of thing that the Three did.
brother of Joab and son of Zeruiah was the head of the Thirty. He once got credit for killing three hundred with his spear, but he was never named in the same breath as the Three. He was the most respected of the Thirty and was their captain, but never got included among the Three.
Benaiah son of Jehoiada from Kabzeel was a vigorous man who accomplished a great deal. He once killed two lion cubs in Moab. Another time, on a snowy day, he climbed down into a pit and killed a lion. Another time he killed a formidable Egyptian. The Egyptian was armed with a spear and Benaiah went against him with nothing but a walking stick; he seized the spear from his grip and killed him with his own spear.
These are the things that Benaiah son of Jehoiada is famous for. But neither did he ever get ranked with the Three. He was held in greatest respect among the Thirty, but he never got included with the Three. David put him in charge of his bodyguard."
I love this story from history. It appeals to the deepest parts of what is hardwired into me as a guy. Defending truth. Strength. Risk. Destroying evil. Conquest. Sometimes men have the opportunity to manifest their qualities in this way, but for the few real men of today, God calls to a different mission, but same purpose. The same prebuilt mechanisms that David's thirty men had, are needed just as much today. Those men were brothers, sons, husbands, and fathers. They were willing to stand and fight for what they believed in. How that is manifested today is often very different though. What God wants men to value most, does not begin from the outside.
"But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”"
This verse is like the legend on a map. The key to start unlocking what should be of most value to the masculine heart. What God values in a man, should be what we value and strain for.
Mediocrity is the new standard of excellence for guys.
The current standard of what is accepted for guys, is not exactly what it should be. Most women when describing the guy they're with, use this in they're description, "Well, at least he's not..." and you can finish the sentence. A girl will figure that as long as her husband or boyfriend isn't abusing them, then they can tolerate any of his faults. This breaks my heart. Such a waste.
I see too many couples where one of them has had such a bad previous relationship experience, that they are content or even happy with the mediocrity of their significant other because of their contrasting past.
Laziness is far too common a trait among immature guys. It runs so rampant because it is allowed to run rampant. I have worked along side of many guys in my young life, and the examples I can draw from are endless. It has gotten so bad, that often employers cannot fire their lazy employees, because the pool of solid workers is so small that they would just end up with another slacker. The Bible is full of teaching on this topic. As you've probably noticed, I enjoy what King Solomon has to say a lot. He maxed out human wisdom, and wrote many of what he learnt in his memoirs. He says this about working working hard and laziness...
"The sleep of a laborer is sweet,
whether they eat little or much,
but as for the rich, their abundance
permits them no sleep."
(Talking about how wealth and processions can own you, and not vise versa.)
"Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise!
It has no commander,
no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.
How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest—
and poverty will come on you like a thief
and scarcity like an armed man.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil."
"The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him,
because his hands refuse to work."
"Diligent hands will rule,
but laziness ends in forced labor."
"The appetite of laborers works for them;
their hunger drives them on."
Another observation I have is that every lazy guy seems to always think he's right about his decision to have a bad work ethic...
"A sluggard is wiser in his own eyes
than seven people who answer discreetly."
These chunks from the Bible I've quoted are not guaranteed or promised outcomes of laziness. They are precepts and principles outlining some of the many possible symptoms of laziness. Laziness begins in the heart. It is the "brain child" of selfishness. Every person has to the potential to be unbelievably selfish. Laziness, or procrastination, is something every guy fights against. It is not a sin to be tempted with laziness, but what you decide to do with that temptation will determine you consequences. Blessings or destruction.
Excluding work-alcoholics, working hard is a high calling for men. A privilege even. What girl dreams of being with a man who is lazy? What girl longs for a man who has no desire to excel in life? Who cuts so many corners he's only left with a circle...
The fact is, men live by the sweat of their brow. It is part of Adam's curse when he brought sin into the world.
At the same time that work is now the curse for men, God has made it possible for us to enjoy and find satisfaction in it even. It is one major way we can live for God. Actually one of my favorite sections from the Bible is from Solomon in this topic,
"This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God."
To be able to find satisfaction in hard work, and enjoy the profits, without being consumed by them, is a gift from God!
Now, I'll also say just say because you work hard and provide food and a roof for your family does not make you a man. That is a BASIC responsibility of a man. Primal even. Most guys cannot do what your average animal does in regards to taking care of a family. No, the real work for a man begins once he walks in the door after a 12 hour day at his job. (Another reason that a real women will make that home a place he wants to come home to.)
Mediocrity is the new standard of excellence for guys.
The current standard of what is accepted for guys, is not exactly what it should be. Most women when describing the guy they're with, use this in they're description, "Well, at least he's not..." and you can finish the sentence. A girl will figure that as long as her husband or boyfriend isn't abusing them, then they can tolerate any of his faults. This breaks my heart. Such a waste.
I see too many couples where one of them has had such a bad previous relationship experience, that they are content or even happy with the mediocrity of their significant other because of their contrasting past.
Laziness is far too common a trait among immature guys. It runs so rampant because it is allowed to run rampant. I have worked along side of many guys in my young life, and the examples I can draw from are endless. It has gotten so bad, that often employers cannot fire their lazy employees, because the pool of solid workers is so small that they would just end up with another slacker. The Bible is full of teaching on this topic. As you've probably noticed, I enjoy what King Solomon has to say a lot. He maxed out human wisdom, and wrote many of what he learnt in his memoirs. He says this about working working hard and laziness...
"The sleep of a laborer is sweet,
whether they eat little or much,
but as for the rich, their abundance
permits them no sleep."
(Talking about how wealth and processions can own you, and not vise versa.)
"Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise!
It has no commander,
no overseer or ruler,
yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.
How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?
A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest—
and poverty will come on you like a thief
and scarcity like an armed man.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil."
"The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him,
because his hands refuse to work."
"Diligent hands will rule,
but laziness ends in forced labor."
"The appetite of laborers works for them;
their hunger drives them on."
Another observation I have is that every lazy guy seems to always think he's right about his decision to have a bad work ethic...
"A sluggard is wiser in his own eyes
than seven people who answer discreetly."
These chunks from the Bible I've quoted are not guaranteed or promised outcomes of laziness. They are precepts and principles outlining some of the many possible symptoms of laziness. Laziness begins in the heart. It is the "brain child" of selfishness. Every person has to the potential to be unbelievably selfish. Laziness, or procrastination, is something every guy fights against. It is not a sin to be tempted with laziness, but what you decide to do with that temptation will determine you consequences. Blessings or destruction.
Excluding work-alcoholics, working hard is a high calling for men. A privilege even. What girl dreams of being with a man who is lazy? What girl longs for a man who has no desire to excel in life? Who cuts so many corners he's only left with a circle...
The fact is, men live by the sweat of their brow. It is part of Adam's curse when he brought sin into the world.
“Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken"
through painful toil you will eat food from it
all the days of your life.
It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken"
(Emphasis added)
This chapter from Genesis records why, from that point on, women have the curse of pain in childbirth, and men have to work hard for a living.
Along the same lines, my father-in-law had an interesting observation on this fact and how it's currently being played out in the feminist movement that has swung so hard from something that was needed, to something that is corroding the family unit faster than salt water on metal. He said, "Why do women feel such a need to work in the same sphere as men? Why do they want BOTH curses so badly?"
At the same time that work is now the curse for men, God has made it possible for us to enjoy and find satisfaction in it even. It is one major way we can live for God. Actually one of my favorite sections from the Bible is from Solomon in this topic,
"This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot. Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions, and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil—this is a gift of God."
To be able to find satisfaction in hard work, and enjoy the profits, without being consumed by them, is a gift from God!
Now, I'll also say just say because you work hard and provide food and a roof for your family does not make you a man. That is a BASIC responsibility of a man. Primal even. Most guys cannot do what your average animal does in regards to taking care of a family. No, the real work for a man begins once he walks in the door after a 12 hour day at his job. (Another reason that a real women will make that home a place he wants to come home to.)
Achievement will follow character much more quickly than character will follow achievement.
There are a few other definitive passages on the characteristics of a man in the Bible. I've chosen the ones pertaining to "elders", or "leaders". Paul's writings are aimed at the men who are leading in the church. But it is directly applicable for every warm blooded male. I figure, why aim low? I want to strive for the most set apart qualities of manhood, as God leads me into all truth and righteousness for His name's sake.
Paul writes in Titus: "An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient. Since an overseer manages God’s household, he must be blameless—not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather, he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it."
He adds to this list in 1 Timothy, "not quarrelsome, not a lover of money." (Emphasis added)
Serving, and Sacrifice, are two main character traits a man should have. Mark writes about Jesus Christ setting the example...
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."
Paul adds to Mark's writing, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;"
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;"
The perfect Son of God lowered himself not only to our pathetic status, but also took our well deserved fate on himself: capital punishment. To be honest, somehow serving others can still be a very difficult thing to do. We are so saturated in our own sin. Serving directly goes against our selfish wants. Some situations even call us to set aside our rights or "status" and put ourselves below, for someone else.
I will never be able to "pull myself up" by my own strength. I will always need help. From more mature men, but especially from God and his Word. It is a myth that guys must be able to do it all. (And believe me, admitting this reality will not turn women off of you.:))
Here is the condensed list from those verses:
I can attest to this from my own marriage to Christa. I never imagined marriage could be so amazing. There is nothing that comes close to giving you the opportunity to strip away so much selfishness. But when you love someone so fiercely, you become vulnerable in many ways. You are capable of destroying each other. In our case, uninvited circumstances has wreaked havoc on our lives because of the disease still living in her body. My heart has been to hell and back watching my darling suffer so severely, and for so long...
But with any situation being lived out in the marriage setting, there is the opportunity to mature as a man of God. Because of Christa, I consider myself the most blessed man alive. She makes it easy to choose her, love her, and give up everything for her; even in this brutal season of life.
"An autobiography should never be written about a man who does not love his wife and take care of his household." - P. Washer
God has designed such unbelievable blessing and benefit for men who choose to do things His way. These rewards that cannot be bought, as they are incomparable to anything the world can offer.
faithful to his wife - Doesn't cheat on her in any way. You know what I mean by this...
wild and disobedient - If your kids are out of control, and you are not respected by your own family, then how can you lead others?
not overbearing - Not pushy and controlling to get your won way.
quick-tempered - A real man must have a long fuse before he "snaps".
not given to drunkenness - Alcohol is not a sin. Getting plastered IS.
not violent - Some situations do call for violence and lots of it, but it should not be the option you always go to first.
not pursuing dishonest gain - Making financial decisions based on greed. The Bible puts greed on the same level as idolatry. Scary. (1 Timothy 6)
he must be hospitable - Welcoming to others. Even strangers. A real man must have his home open to helping and encouraging others.
one who loves what is good - What do you really love in this life? It's easy to find out. Whatever it is you think about most. (Philippians 4:8,9)
who is self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined - Being self-controlled begins in the heart. Discipline can be done on the outside, i.e. military training. Self-control must be in place for discipline to have any real benefit. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit of God working in you. Being upright and holy often means standing apart and alone in this messed up world.
encourage others - This is a real sign of an authentic man. If he has enough gas left in his tank to encourage others, it usually means the right of his life is in order. A downside to a selfish life is that it is very hard to think about others and how you can serve them. (Another reason financial debt should be avoided at all costs.)
refute those who oppose it - "We will not tolerate intolerance!" This is the theme song of our society. Say it out loud and see if it still sounds dumb...
A man must know what he believes, to know why, and be able to back it up from the Bible. But often he will face significant flack from many around him for calling a spade a spade. Jesus was very intolerant of sin. This world hates intolerance.
Currently our society claims to be so tolerant, but the opposite is the reality. They are selectively tolerant. As long as no one rocks their boat, it's all good. As long as no one tells them they are wrong, the utopia lives on...
This socialistic "relative" system will inevitably crash and burn, for many reasons. Someone is right, and someone is wrong. So, who sets this standard? Not man, but God does.
“Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.” G. K. Chestertonright
“Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.” G. K. Chestertonright
serving and sacrifice - These two symptoms of manhood are, in my opinion, the most important. The best leaders in history served. The best war generals fought along side their men. They lowered themselves to best serve those around them.
John writes, "This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?" Sacrifice is is the "bass guitar" in the band of life. It is the foundation. Often, this means not doing what you want to. Simple concept, and always worth it, but still brutal to do some days. But I've noticed something very interesting in my own journey through manhood. What I want now, is different from what I wanted a few years ago. My appetite has changed. As boyhood continues to get smaller in your rearview mirror, you continually lose the desire to i.e. log hours on end in front of a screen watching football, or playing Call of Duty on the X-Box. Playing online poker or spending the majority of your paycheque on the new car or truck you just have to have. These are things that boys consider high priority.
Let me stress again that it is far from wrong for men to have testosterone filled interests and hobbies. It is healthy for guys to unload machine guns, drive fast sometimes, and to go camping and fishing.
The problem arrises when these hobbies begin to interfere with the job at hand, whatever that may be, i.e. Husbandry or fathering. Certain things come first, and for good reason. It's like trying to operate a massive crane and lower 4 ton steel beams into place, while playing with a new cell phone. One of those two activities should take priority at that time.
Let me stress again that it is far from wrong for men to have testosterone filled interests and hobbies. It is healthy for guys to unload machine guns, drive fast sometimes, and to go camping and fishing.
(Roman candle war + other fireworks. This is one of many New Year's Eve activities we try to do every year.)
The problem arrises when these hobbies begin to interfere with the job at hand, whatever that may be, i.e. Husbandry or fathering. Certain things come first, and for good reason. It's like trying to operate a massive crane and lower 4 ton steel beams into place, while playing with a new cell phone. One of those two activities should take priority at that time.
For a man, the role of a husband will challenge and shape him more than anything else. A famous preacher who, after being chased through the jungles of Peru for 3 days by hostile natives trying to kill him because he was preaching the Bible, said this about comparing that experience with being a husband, "Being a Godly husband is far more difficult than being chased through the jungle by people trying to kill you."
I'm sure you have heard guys say they would die for their woman if it came down to it, but I say,
Dying for someone you love is easy. Living for them is the hard part.
I can attest to this from my own marriage to Christa. I never imagined marriage could be so amazing. There is nothing that comes close to giving you the opportunity to strip away so much selfishness. But when you love someone so fiercely, you become vulnerable in many ways. You are capable of destroying each other. In our case, uninvited circumstances has wreaked havoc on our lives because of the disease still living in her body. My heart has been to hell and back watching my darling suffer so severely, and for so long...
But with any situation being lived out in the marriage setting, there is the opportunity to mature as a man of God. Because of Christa, I consider myself the most blessed man alive. She makes it easy to choose her, love her, and give up everything for her; even in this brutal season of life.
Entering genuine manhood is not something to be done flippantly, or be taken lightly. It is a terrible responsibility to be a man. Being a real man in this corrupt world is not for the faint of heart. It cannot be done without the help of God and his Word.
You must also be able to stand alone. Very alone. Not alone, as in not being around many people; but alone in the sense you will be swimming upstream while every fish going the other way tells you you're out to lunch. It is not an easy thing to do day after day.
If the man is married, he must also tenaciously protect his wife and family. He must be the one to face the adversity assaulting his family. His wife or children should not have to deal with certain problems.
Only a boy will send his wife to fix or deal with his problems. This is the last thing a wife should have to do. It is the man's job to take the brunt of discomfort from the world, NOT his wife. It is the man's job to lead. (This is rarely glamorous.) His wife and family will look to him to lead, and set the tone. This is where a man while find much of his purpose in this life, because by correctly fulfilling his role, he is doing the will of God.
"An autobiography should never be written about a man who does not love his wife and take care of his household." - P. Washer
God has designed such unbelievable blessing and benefit for men who choose to do things His way. These rewards that cannot be bought, as they are incomparable to anything the world can offer.
- A clean conscience comes to mind. I can't imagine how much that would go for on Ebay. With the absence of sin and garbage in a man's life, comes with it the priceless thing that is a clean conscience.
- A family that respects and adores you for being the man you're meant to be to them.
- Your woman can relax and feel safe, knowing she doesn't have to babysit you. She can focus on her role and how better to love you.
- Financial freedom, because you're working hard and not making greed motivated decisions and investments.
- The peace and security that comes only from doing the will of God.
- You are not completely shattered by bad news or negative circumstances that happens in varying degrees to everyone in a lifetime. You gain such trust in God.
Jeremiah 17:7,8 "But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
I pray that despite my human attempts at outlining how the Bible portrays boyhood and manhood, you will see the Truth for yourselves in this matter. Please go to the Bible, the source of Truth, before you believe any of my words. Thank you for taking the time to read through my written thoughts on the this issue. I plan to write much more on other passages and topics that I am passionate about soon. Feel free to leave me any questions or comments. Take care and God bless.
-Justin
I pray that despite my human attempts at outlining how the Bible portrays boyhood and manhood, you will see the Truth for yourselves in this matter. Please go to the Bible, the source of Truth, before you believe any of my words. Thank you for taking the time to read through my written thoughts on the this issue. I plan to write much more on other passages and topics that I am passionate about soon. Feel free to leave me any questions or comments. Take care and God bless.
-Justin
